Chapter 1

Chapter 1

“Wow, I can’t believe it’s been three years since I last saw you” I say. This café has always been in the back of my mind but I’ve have never been here before. Now it all looks so familiar, like a dream, yet so very real. I am finally waking up from the dream I’ve had all these years.

“Yes, it has been 3 years already. You look the same, yet somehow different” says Gabriel. Staring at me, it’s like he’s seeing me for the first time, all over again. A rush of emotions comes over him, but he just smiles; a sly smile as always. Like someone afraid to smile.

“How have you been, Gabe? You look well. Life must have been good to you” I say, as I think back to our last encounter. It feels like a lifetime ago, yet the wounds still linger. They might have all closed up but the scars will always be there.

“Why did you contact me after so long Mika?” Gabe asks now. The one thing I missed was his straight forward questions. I stare into his eyes and all I can think about is the man that I’ve always loved and never forgotten.

“Oh come on Gabe,” I say with feigned disbelief “you knew I would contact you should I ever move to anywhere in Europe. Who else would I make my first contact with? My sister left here a year ago, so I thought I’d give you a call and see if you’re around. A cup of coffee never hurt anyone, right?” I ask that more to myself than anyone else.

Oh, the one thing you have to love about coffee shops is the privacy. The coffee shop is completely packed, yet I feel like I’m in his lounge, just the two of us. All I can do is stare, as usual, into his big blue eyes. Gosh, can I still feel so lost when I see him?

“So, you made your move to Europe? I thought you said you would never leave Dubai” he says this with such emotion that I can feel how much my outburst all those years ago hurt him. It was on one of the nights when we were driving back from dinner and he’d asked me how I felt about leaving Dubai. Without putting any thought into it, I responded that I’m never leaving Dubai. Not even thinking that this might be his way of asking me if I’d ever leave Dubai with him. I try to move away from those memories….

“Well, in case you forgot, I mentioned a while later that I would love to move to Europe some day. It just took me a little longer than expected to move, what with personal obligations etc. But hey, that’s life right. I had to try at least a little while longer to see if it might be the right fit for me.”

“Yes, that you did” he says with one of his few smiles. Oh why oh why does his smile still melt my heart? I thought I was over him. This was a mistake. Why would I open up old wounds for no reason? I’m such a martyr.

“I’ve missed you Gabe. That’s all I can really say. You made a difference in my life and I’ll always remember that” as I say this I have this far away look, as if I’m thinking about the difference he has made and how it has affected me.

“So what have you done with yourself all this time, woman? Tell me more” he finally relaxes and gives me a huge smile.

“Well, we saw each other three years ago, so where do I start… I hear that you were still there another year after we broke up and then I didn’t hear anything about you or seen you again. I must admit, it was hard, but I made it through it all.” I look up to see if he wants to say something and realized he’s waiting for me to continue. “After that fateful Tuesday night I left your house, I had a terrible few months. My mom passed away before the mid of the following year and I guess that changed me in many ways. I just became….different.” I pause and try to see what he’s thinking. Is he going to walk out or stay here? I had to go on. I’ve seen this day so many times in my head, I had to go on.

“I’ve tried dating, clearly unsuccessfully, since we broke up. But hey, with all that life has handed me, I think I had to date to see if I’ve learnt anything from my past mistakes. Low and behold, I did. I do remember saying I will never date again after we split up but who wants to be alone all the time…?” the question is more for me than anyone else. At least now I’ve learnt to say what’s on my mind without worrying too much about it all sounds. At the end of the day, if I’m being honest, the truth will always sound terrible to those that don’t want to hear it.

“So this is why you called then? To tell me that thanks to making a mistake with me, you can now deal with men better? Come on Mika, be honest with yourself. That break up of ours was both our fault!” he says this and I can see him getting worked up. How do I make him not walk out on this? How do I just get him to stay here?

We both stare out the window. London has to be the most miserable place on earth. Did the skies have to be all grey today or is it just to help my miserable mood along? And why am I even surprised that this is how our conversation is going when I have seen this scene over and over in my head?

“Babes, I’m not here to anger you. All I really wanted was to see you again and see how you are. You look good; amazingly so.” I say with a look of lust in my eyes. A look I reserve for only him. “Let’s talk about something else. Geez, the past is the past.” I say it with so much conviction that I almost believe myself. How am I going to get through this coffee without letting him know that I’ve only breathed for this day, this day that I see him again?

3 years ago, Tuesday night

“I don’t care” he says again while cleaning his shoes on the staircase. “I have never cared about you. I am cold. I am heartless. I am evil. I have never cared”

“How can you say that? Are you telling me that this whole year was all a lie? Are you telling me that you never felt a thing? Because the more you say it, the more it makes me think that you do” I say while gulping back tears. He will not see me cry.

“You said you were coming over on Sunday. It’s Tuesday already. We didn’t even discuss spending any time together.” He continues to polish his shoes.

“So if you wanted me to leave, why not just say so? I have a house. All I wanted to do was spend some time with you.” I can hear my voice breaking as I say it.

“Well if you’re not happy here, just leave.” Gabriel retorts.

“But I am happy here” was my last words to him in three years. All I remember as I walked to the door, carrying my over night bag was him reiterating “I don’t care”

Today

Miserable weather welcomes me to this fine place. At least the coffee is warm.
And I’m sitting opposite the man of my dreams. Oh well, let’s face it, I’m not 12
so why do I even still care about this man that treated me like some kind of….whatever. Tears try to well up in my eyes but I have learnt to control my emotions.

“So anyway, it’s been great seeing you; a bit uncomfortable, but still great.” I say while giggling… just a little. “Perhaps we see each other again some day. You never know. Life is full of surprises” I add with a wink.

The bill comes and as always, we fight for a second and I let him pay. He always had this thing about paying. I was lucky before and sometimes was allowed to pay. Hey, I’m not saying I don’t appreciate a guy that pays the bill, but I’ve always loved paying a bit myself.

“So, where are you staying Mika?” he asks while we’re getting up.

“Oh well, I just got here this morning and am currently staying in Hampstead, the Quaint Hotel Apartments. Just till I get my place sorted out. The company has been great setting me up with a temporary place. As it is, I have to hit the ground running setting up this new office and making sure things go smoothly. When opportunity came knocking, I answered. So, I guess Big Ben will have to wait just a little bit longer before I do the tourist thing of posing in front of it.” I smile as I say this, thinking that I stayed with him in Hampstead years ago.

“Would you like me to drive you back or are you here with a car?” Still the polite Gabriel, even when there’s no need to be.

“No, there’s no need. I came with the tube and can get it back. I have to stop off at Waitrose anyway to buy some food. A girl must eat, you know”

“It was good seeing you Mika”

“You too Gabe.”

We kiss on the cheek and say goodbye. I take out my umbrella and start walking towards the tube station. I love walking in the rain. All my memories with him come back in flashes. Finally, a tear finds is way out of my eye and down my cheek.

“You are such a 4 year old! You can’t change the game just because you are losing and no changing rules also!” I try to say in between giggles whilst he has me pinned on the bed for staring at his naked body while he was brushing his teeth. “Oh yes I can. That’s the way it works”

Looking for my ipod, I hear a car honking beside me. I turn around and there he is in his new BMW. The car suits him well. He rolls down his window “Hey lady, need a ride?” and he gives me one of his rare huge smiles. Meek me “Oh, but of course I do”

I get into his warm car and forget all about the past. Forget about the hurt and pain and only live for the moment. Oh how I’ve missed him…


“Mind if we stop at Waitrose? I have zero food and water in my rent-a-place” I ask with the ease that exists only between people with a history like ours.

“Your wish is my command, my dear” he says. Smiling, yet also a far and distant look in his eyes.


Oh why is my head throbbing and am I alive even? I look around to see the flower prints on the bed and walls look familiar. Ok, so at least I am in my rent-a-place. Gosh, I need an aspirin or a saw to cut my head off. What happened? Turn to my left and it all comes flooding back to me. Why Mika why?

I get up, very slowly and make my way to the kitchen. I’ve learnt that coffee is great for just about anything. Me, Miss-I-only-drink-tea. I put on the pot and head to the shower. Nothing like a brisk shower to wake you up.

He’s still asleep as I get out of the shower. I prepare some toast and get the coffee ready. Put it all in the lounge and then I stand still. How do I wake this man up? What is he doing in my bed? Oh God, why is this happening to me now? Seriously? Seriously!

“Gabriel…Gabe….Gabe. Wake up please. Can you please wake up? I’ve made some coffee and toast. I know it’s Sunday and you’re day off, but can you wake up please?” I whisper softly and he still wakes up easily.

Coffee and toast turns into a silent event with neither of us saying anything, looking up at each other every now and then and chewing. Chewing and chewing.

“So then, I need to get out and walk around a bit. What is your plan for the day then?” I try to make polite conversation.

“Oh, nothing major. Just a few things here and there” vague Gabriel is back.

“Ok well, let’s finish this up and we can go about our day” I say while kicking myself under the table. Why oh why Mika? Why?

“Good bye Mika. It was really great seeing you” he says as he kisses me on the cheek. I wave him goodbye and wonder what I have done bringing this man back in my life.