The stranger within

Sometimes I feel like this.... http://soundcloud.com/hotfemale/believe I feel like saying you left me with nothing at all But then I think of the new relationships, the strengthened friendships, the better understanding of who I am... So instead all I will say is... http://youtu.be/3Uo0JAUWijM "Happy New Year Happy New Year May we all have the vision now and then  Of a world where every neighbor is a friend Happy New Year Happy New Year May we all have out hope, our will to try If we don't we might as well lay and die You and I"

I read somewhere never to piss off a woman with a shotgun and GPS. It really should read "Never piss off a woman with a shotgun, GPS or a blog" The age old saying that the pen is mightier than the sword is so very true in this. The blog let's you vent your anger, talk about your amusement and name and shame, should you feel the need to. I recently Google'd some of the names I've written on my blog in the past and low and behold, it comes up in the search. This has given me brand new food for thought for when venting to name names and perhaps in the process warn some innocent people out there of some or others idiotic/deceiving/manipulative/bipolar behavior. Ooh goody, this could be fun ......

When I was a little girl....and then a teenager...and then an adult I used to try and see what I have in common with my mom... As little girls do She was the most gorgeous woman The most stubborn  woman The strongest woman The woman with the heart of gold , that was always ready to help someone in need She was the dancing queen The life of the party The hostess most strive to be The woman that gave her all so everyone else would be happy And I never saw any similarities until.... My cousin shared this photo with me today I've never seen it before....and with that 1 photo, that 1 naughty look and smile she has, I knew I am my mother's child

On the stretch of beach that is my life I've collected pebbles on the shore line Some I've lost Some I've shared Some I had for just a while Some I've had for life I never walk over these pebbles I walk beside them The journey on the sand Is what shapes us as man With many more miles of beach  I'm sure to come across  pebbles of each But now I know how to find the ones that will stay for life

When you can find your inner quiet in the storm... Your silent minute in a busy day.... When you feel the love around you... And you're grateful for what life has to give Money can buy you many things But happiness is not on the price list Off course you can fake it... But your smile will always tell if you're lying or dying inside I look further than the eye can see And appreciate that The best things in life are free...

Darkness surrounds me Depression enfolds me Why am I never enoug Why is ME not much I walked out feeling inadequate No light for me was lit The one time I needed you I couldn't find you I'm lost I need to find my way At all costs Or I'll never stay Your love kept me here Now you're not around to wipe my tear I can't see the light I've lost my last bit of might Written 09-09-03

Hit me, kick me Beat me down Why not? I'm dead already I feel for nothing I feel for no one Shoot me, stab me Wound me bad Who cares? I'm obviously insignificant No one sees me No one hears me Poison me, starve me Slave me till the end Where? Anywhere you want Anytime you want Kill me, kill me Let me die Stop? What the fuck I've reached my end Written 2003

I woke this morning and all I could think of was cooking!!! And so I did.... Starter: Pumpkin soup made from scratch  Overall time to make the soup was 2.5hrs but boy was it worth it!!! Main course: Fish on a bed of zucchini & tomato Cooking time 30 minutes Dessert: Carrot and walnut muffins (no frosting, I don't have a big sweet tooth) Time to make 30 minutes. No they are not burnt, I chose to use brown sugar instead of white sugar so it comes out a tad darker... Boy, I love being artistic!!! Food starts in my head and rarely comes out bad, considering I cook without using recipes :) Bon appetite to me!!! 

Do we know each other from another life Have we met before This connection we have Never lets me go What pulls you back to me Why do you show up always I wake from my dream And wonder when will you let me go Let me go Just let me live Our life together never made you happy So why not, just let me go

Those that know me, know that I've never been able to really answer this question. I always replied with the same thing; "I was reading a magazine with my mom a year before coming here and saw an article on Burj Al Arab and said that's where I'm going. When I got the job in Dubai, I had no idea that 'building' was in the same country."  I put it all down to perhaps a coincidence or maybe even fate. Well, I think I finally figured out the answer...and that in a space of an hour after reading The Celestine Prophecy! If I play out my life in SA, had I stayed there, chances are I'd still be going to church 5/6 times a week, be married to some church guy and probably have a crying baby somewhere. I'd be happy, coz I'd have known of nothing else.  But I moved to Dubai and my perception of everything around me changed bit by bit, day by day. This might come as a shock but when I moved to Dubai I hated muslims because of riots that took place in Ca...

Across the ocean you call To say good morning and good night To hear my voice To make you smile Across time zones you send your love To keep me happy To keep me laughing To make me feel your love Across time and space This love still blossoms Every day with every breath Every hour with more depth Distance is our only obstacle to over come And it shortens as love grows This time is ours Our time has come

Now considering the party I had for my 30th, I thought it might be hard to top this year! 30th birthday having been a white theme penthouse party ;) Turning 31 in Thailand was a blast!!! My bff Cathy flew out from Australia and brought along Miss Tara, who turned out to be a pretty awesome Aussie chica. I flew from Dubai with Miss Dee by my side and off went us 4 girls to have what was an unforgettable adventure!! From ziplining in Koh Phangan to being on the beach at midnight at the Full Moon party to celebrate my 31st, to wigging it in Phuket (Poo-ket not Fukit), floating to James Bond and Phi Phi island, and pole dancing on Bangla road, sipping cocktails at Lebau in Bangkok and floating away in the market. It was jam packed and fun filled....and we have over 2000 photos to prove it! hehehe!!! Thank you ladies for making it THE BEST birthday to date!!! You all rock xxx And a short clip from Koh Phangan made by Miss Glorious! http://youtu.be/muEPNXVRRvM Clip from Phuket h...

I sometimes wonder how it is that I can see so much and see so little at the same time... Bits and pieces here and there of things to come. It makes me sound like a crazy person at times trying to articulate what I've seen, especially when it's not something good. I remember when I told my sister my mom would pass away and she told me I was just a little crazy and to put down the tarot cards. But only, I didn't read any cards for that.... And why is it though that when you warn people of something bad to come, they refuse to listen until it stares them square in the eye and there's nothing else to do but face it and accept it. I know, change can happen at any time, but rarely have I had a change in seeing something in advance. My morning dreams are my guides and those guides are so accurate, they could make money being tour guides in the Bermuda triangle!! I sometimes just figure out the meanings too late....enter dream of my sisters house being flooded the morning be...

Be a good friend and you will be surrounded by good friends. Don't judge people unless you want to be judged by them. Don't pick fights with friends unless you're willing to lose them for it. Be kind to strangers, coz you never know when you'll need the kindness of a stranger.

I can feel my heart slipping away It is no longer just mine It is no longer his either You're stealing it with every word With every smile With every look My heart that took so long to heal Is whole again To love again To feel again  And you're stealing it with every touch With every breath With every glance I can feel my heart slipping away Across the oceans Across the mountains Across the room to be near you So you're stealing it with every nod With every wave With every hug My heart is slipping away Finally whole Finally healed....

He kisses me And thinks I'm his He holds my hand And thinks my heart is no longer mine I say "Hello" He hears "I love you" I smile He thinks I swoon I stopped to speak... He thinks too much

Take a shovel and dig my grave You can do it yourself Coz I'll tell you now.... Life, you'll never get me down !

I still cry for her And you've forgotten I still ask for her And you've moved on I pray to see her I sleep to dream of her I cling to the memory of her I'm becoming a better person just for her And there you go You go and say "I Do" As if she was never there As if she didn't your children bare Who is the man I see now I know you not I thought you were my dad Turns out, you're just like any other man

Love came knocking when I wasn't home It left a note to say it's come and gone I went away for far too long Running from it all I'm home again...

Thanks to all those that's donated to my birthday charity campaign....wow, my friends are awesome! I'm almost half way there :) If you haven't done so yet and would like to get involved, log on to http://mycharitywater.org/bethedifference Love and light xxx

The long awaited cd of my fabulous friend, Salha is now done! And this is my "review" of it... The cd starts off with the song Addiction, which has a bit of a Arabic sound to it. The song explains the journey of being addicted to something or someone...as the title clearly hints at! And when you listen to it, you think of that guy/girl you dated at some point that you just couldn't let go off! No matter how bad it was, you still went back for more. One of my favourite songs on the cd is Believe....through the heartache and pain she's been thru in her life, she never gave up in believing in love. Her belief of course is why she's found the awesome Karlito to spend her life with. "It's my time now, please send me my prince, coz I'm growing tired of all the frogs that I've had to kiss" Ladies, get ready to become addicted to this song after your hearts been broken one too many times!!! But never give up on love. The cd has 10 original songs on t...

Hi everyone that checks out my blog, I'm hoping you will help me Be the Difference by making donations on http://mycharitywater.org/bethedifference as part of my birthday wish this year! xxxxx

I've seen the cobbled streets before I walked up that hill once too The street is long The shops are lined Wedding dresses of white Against Bosphorus blue skies... And then I'm indoors A place of chaos A baby is born You turn to me You shout and scream You try to find me But its too late now My dreams are mine to keep Or mine to share

In your eyes I see love unborn In your smile I see a paradise unspoilt In your voice I hear a love song unsung In your laughter I hear a child unadulterated In your walk I see a man unstoppable When we make love Its unexceptionable And thought the love I feel for you Is unparalleled I know that forever That love will be unrequited Written 2002

I feared I'd die without you How I cried about you I thought the pain would go away But it consumed me day by day You chose to leave me Just to let me be I gave you all my heart You just tore it apart Now I'm numb Hard to believe I was so dumb To have thought that what we had would last Now you're a page in my past It's easy to pretend I forgot But never can I say, I love you not You promised to be mine forever That I know now will happen never I trusted you with my life You said I'd be your wife But now I'm dead You wrote this end Just found this in my old book of poems..written in Jan 2004

"People don't write sonnets about being compatible. Or novels about shared life goals and stimulating conversation. The great loves are the crazy ones. L'amour fou."

I wonder why you'd think it's ok to say "Hello" When I've made it clear that there's nothing left to say I wonder why you think I'm still a child That is delighted by your attention when YOU FEEL like giving it I wonder why you'd think I'd be happy When you don't respect my wishes I wonder if you'll ever understand.... That selfishness is not an admirable trate

Here it is http://gmelissa2.blogspot.com/

“Hey there you! How are you today? Finally settled into your new place?” Gavin comes up from behind without any sound. “I’m doing cool jazz babes. How you doing? Looking fine as ever” I say with a big smile on face. At least my colleagues are terrific. “So we thought that since this is your first week in the virtual office, we’d take you out tonight for dinner. You need a break Mika. I know coming here to set up this new office is a challenge, but girl, you gotta eat!” He more says than asks. “Oh, that’s so sweet. I’d love to. Where are we heading?” I ask while still staring at my screen. “All over. You just get your party shoes on and I’ll pick you up around 8pm” he says as he walks away. More than a month’s gone by and I still have not heard from Gabriel. It should not surprise me seeing as I was the one to contact him after 3 years. Work was busy as usual and getting home at 6pm just made me want to curl up in bed and sleep the weekend away. Time for a change Mika . At exactly 8pm I...

Just a little note on the book. I started writing the book in 2007 but stopped after my mom actually did die in 2008. I found it freaky! hehehe! Anyhoo, I decided to finish it now. The book is not a biography. Yes some of the characters are based on people I actually know but it's not what's really going on in their lives :) Chapter 2 will be up soon....hope you enjoy the story as it goes on ;) xoxo GM

Chapter 1 “Wow, I can’t believe it’s been three years since I last saw you” I say. This café has always been in the back of my mind but I’ve have never been here before. Now it all looks so familiar, like a dream, yet so very real. I am finally waking up from the dream I’ve had all these years. “Yes, it has been 3 years already. You look the same, yet somehow different” says Gabriel. Staring at me, it’s like he’s seeing me for the first time, all over again. A rush of emotions comes over him, but he just smiles; a sly smile as always. Like someone afraid to smile. “How have you been, Gabe? You look well. Life must have been good to you” I say, as I think back to our last encounter. It feels like a lifetime ago, yet the wounds still linger. They might have all closed up but the scars will always be there. “Why did you contact me after so long Mika?” Gabe asks now. The one thing I missed was his straight forward questions. I stare into his eyes and all I can think about is the man that I...

I was just asked why my blog has been so quiet....it's coz I'm trying to finish off a book I'm writing. So, fingers crossed this will happen soon. But in the meanwhile, as ideas pop into my head, I will write on the blog :)

The old saying tells us that lightning never strikes twice Does the same apply to love then? If lightning goes all over, striking the same spot only once, Is it that then that makes humans also not love the same person twice? Do us, as humans, go around the world, striking a new person each time And never loving the same person twice? It's some sort of rare phenomenon when lightning strikes twice So does that mean that when you love, move on and love the same person again, it's a rare phenomenon? Or does love just make fools of us all...?

Thanks to all of you that came to take a look, a read or just a nosy around :)

When you question what you do in your life, you're probably not doing the right thing

Dear Mom, I thought a bit of you today You'd be so proud.... Your little girl has grown into a strong woman She walked a shaky road, that lead her to where she stands Proud and tall and sure of who she is No longer willing to compromise and give in with ease She's grown to be a woman that strives to make you proud A woman she can be proud of... All day and every day I know that you watch over me from up there in heaven I know and I can feel you smile So don't stop, not just yet Keep watch over me and guide me on my path I'm blessed to have a guardian angel like you So for now I sleep, to wake another day To take another step On the path and make keep making us proud....

Let me wake and not remember Or let me sleep until I forget....

Is it that moment your eyes met? Or that 20 year anniversary dinner? Is it that moment you woke up at night and realized that they were on your mind? Or is it after you walked and away and realized your life was empty without them? Is it helping each other walk up the stairs in 60 years? Or is it fleeting and passionate and burns out over night? Is it the use of a phrase that no one else understands? Or a caring ear when you need to talk? Is it seeing/doing something and immediately thinking of how that person would react with you on this? Or is it walking past a restaurant and looking at the empty table that is "yours"? Does any of us know what love is? What it feels like? Where is starts and where it ends?

When every day feels like a deja vu When dreams come true.... When you've been there before but never was When dreams come true... When the chapter of the book unfolds slowly And you see your dreams come true.... When it all happens in your waken state When dreams are reality...as they come true

"When you want to get something done, don't give it to someone that's doing nothing. They are doing nothing for a reason. Give it to busy people and they will get it done!"

I try to balance it all I try to make it perfect I try to right the wrongs I try to be strong I try to live for me I try to be free I try to breathe But you suffocated me I smile I laugh I try no more... ...or do I

When love is blind And faults are not seen When pain is ignored For a second of bliss When lies are explained And truths are hidden When secrets are at the forefront And emotions are denied When finally you ask yourself Love unconditionally, is it ever really worth the pain?

When you stop climbing the mountain in front of you You'll never reach the top.... And appreciate the view!

I've been saying it over and over how a year can change so many things...but really, who woulda thunk? Last year I nagged about Valentine's Day and this year it really doesn't matter to me. And this made me wonder why...I mean, I like romance and flowers and to be doted on for a day...so why is it that I'm not fussed this year. And then it hit me....it's because of you. You don't need a day to dote on me, you do it every day. You surround me with your warmth, you smile when you see my face, you hold me close just because...

As far as I understand, God created man (aka me and you) in his image....so what makes you think you're better than Him to judge me?

She stood in the shadow A minute too long She held her breath And then she's gone She waited in the cold She stood in the rain No one ever saw her pain Until she was gone She held your hand She wiped her tears She said goodbye To deaf ears She looks ahead The road is long She raises her head And then she's gone....

The shackles on my feet have been broken My broken wing has healed I spread my wings... And finally I can fly

I think that most people are equipped with a sixth sense... But what if their sixth sense shows up in your life ....at inappropriate times,when lease expected... ...when least wanted How do you accept something, that I consider a miracle of the universe, When it is not something you want in your life? How do you appreciate your moments of clarity When so many things are fogy I live for life With or without you I get up every day But how is it, when I move on.... You are right there?

It's only in the moment when you realize that you've stopped loving, that you realize, you've also stopped living. Most people don't see these 2 as things that go hand in hand but without one, the other does not exist. When all you do is watch as others love around you; or decide not to love anyone else to avoid the pain and loss again; or tell yourself that no one is worthy of your love, then it's time to ask yourself..."why is my life so empty and filled with only clutter and fluff?" Because that is all you will find, when love is taken out of the equation...and empty life with no real substance. Your guitar won't keep you warm and your money won't wipe your tears. The fridge will not produce you cooked meals and the TV won't be talking back. The stranger in your bed wouldn't know how to love you...because they don't know the real you...

We said goodbye so many times We'd argue, fuss and fight Until we found our way back But that was then... We said goodbye one last time And for now, goodbye is what it should be Until we can at some point both look back And see the good and not the bad Goodbye, is where we'll stay So goodbye for now Until we meet again When the past stays the past And the future remains bright

Have you made any? Have you made at least 1? It's pretty funny, New Years Eve came and I simply didn't feel the excitement I feel every year. Probably because I was more focussed on the New Decade!! A year flies by these days so fast, that no proper changes can be implemented, but if you give yourself a decade to make life changes, I think it's feasible... So here's to a new decade of change...hit the ground running this new year and watch as it gets better over the next 10yrs!